Recently, I have been cool off illustrating. Graduate school has thrown me into a cycle of processing that slows down my output. So much information is being banked, but I have not stopped thinking of how to use visual language to explore the ways in which we process binaries, wether it be oppositional or relational.
Lately, my thoughts on binary opposition have shifted. I identify the way in which our culture puts power within extremes, a misunderstanding of object relation. I see myself sitting outside of extremes and using them as probes to find a virtuous center of understanding. Extremes being the understood through exploration and never a place to ground oneself.
I have also been thinking about the way in which difference sit on top of each other. How opposition separates difference and self, and denies the reality of dependence on differences? I wonder how to subvert this opposition into a relation that helps society find sustainable truths and perceptions of reality.
Thinking of my own position between extremes. I do not deny my differences from others, I embrace them and embrace the truth of others autonomous realities. Folks talk about being denied a spectrum and I find this to be true. Its a painful place to be. To see yourself being pulled to draw a line and severe yourself from what you know to be true. To be forced to pick the lesser of two evils, even though you see a place of peace in which to sit. I have been referencing bipartisanship, but wonder what else I can reference to explore these interest.
The Lingering Past & Pulling Future has converged through divine collision.
Between how she held him tightly, even when he was long gone. Him outside drifting away from her, but closer to the formation of I. A dangerous tension of what sits on the fringes.
I sit in the frame of the spectacle of birth. The birth of I in infinite loops. Infinite loops of continuous war. Will these two sit peacefully aside each other. When did tension become plague? Why is difference become unbearable? How can one separate from themselves? Is the shredding mistaken for hatred?
Between supply and demand, my body was given new meaning. Formed as blank slate, I passed through these two and was made full. Full of others content, full of the understanding that someone else could fill me.
Now here I am.
I have been using drawing in many ways through the semester. So far
it has been a powerful tools of visualization and thought organizing.
It has allowed me to see my ideas form, be deconstructed and form once
more. Within my exploration of duality and opposition, I have drawn
figures that represent past and future, that represent others struggles
and have now come to a point in which I feel I should draw upon myself.
I think drawing from a internal space still has the power to allow for accessibility
in a universal way. My next step is to find a place between what is intangible and what
is tangible. What is and what is not within and outside of a fluxing
journey of understanding subjectivity through difference.
I’ve come to realize, I am no being pulled by external forces, but expanded by external forces. The builders of my subjectivity subject to the duality of extremes. I am the middle way. The absolute truth that sit between to explosive forces. Two forces that are death and life. Continuing to pour in as I take away. Due to this dynamic. I believe I am both new from this division but the same.
Happiness & Suffering
Pain & Suffering are different
Pain & Suffering as necessary
How pain moves into joy
It needs room or a vessel
Bees and hexagon creation
There is a condition
How the struggle transforms into something?
I’ve been in dialogue with two. Been transformed by what they are
and everything I am not. Have looked in the face of one and felt pain.
Ran towards the other, who wore a mask of joy. I have found
comfort in the arms of this duality. Have been rocked to sleep
by a continuum of struggle or maybe more clear a cycle
of balance. Transcendence is the form of I.
I unable to escape their struggle. I made whole by way growth and decay.
How they highlight each others extremes and give definition to totality.
The way death sits heavy with life, gasping for air in-between
burst of laughter. Old friends meeting on a silver lining.
Shift to the left one space and I am in a pitfall of agony.
A cruel joke and blessing sitting burying me alive.
The duality of decay and beauty. Is there room for me in this duality? It there room any one? Where do I lie between life and death? Joy and sorrow? Pain and pleasure? I like the balance, find romance in this duality. A beautiful tragedy.
The Art of Cruelty by Maggie Nelson
“My impulse is my life, my impulse is that I’m an old man,
but I’m profoundly optimistic about nothing…[by] existing for
a moment…existing today makes me optimistic…I’m optimistic
about nothing I’m just born with that kind of optimistic nature. 2”
Response to Francis
The totality of a person was put on display within the distortion of Francis Bacon. These paintings are seen as horrific of scary. I wonder if this says something
about the audiences view or Francis bacon's sense?
I wonder what stops the audience from seeing the beauty in this distortion,
is it the lack of symmetry or the amount of difference?
Does Francis Bacon himself have a distorted vision of the world?
Does he lean towards cruelty, giving to much weight to that part of the scale or does he find beauty sitting along side/atop of the distortion of pain. I pine for seeing distortion in motion. Making it less of a distortion and more of a continuum of change or a reality of sameness in difference.